Clean is good; squeaky clean, not so much. Sometimes you'll want to
have an edge to your personality. Some of the times you're MOST
attractive is when you've got a hangover and just don't give a damn.
Capture that spirit, full of sarcasm and edge, and you can be the
Motley Crue bad boy dating the Pam Anderson's of the world - without
all the baggage those bad boys usually bring to the table.
A Different Kind of Attraction
Something to remember: clean does not always mean clean-cut.
Smelling bad is always a bad thing, but looking less than crisp can work to your advantage.
In
Japan, there are men who spend four hours making their hair look the
perfect kind of disheveled. In Europe some guys go days without bathing
- as a way to attract women, believe it or not.
I don't suggest either of those extremes, but there is something to being outside the norm, the rebel appeal.
Think about it: why do bad boys get so many ladies?
The Appeal of the Rebel
Simple:
they do what they want. They are independent, leaders (even if only of
themselves), don't give a shit what others say about them and THAT is
what's attractive.
Trust me: it isn't the
fact they're abusive, but women will sometimes but up with all sorts of
crazy awful repercussions IF the James Dean attraction is strong
enough.
Perfect example, from one of Dean's
movies: he's sitting with a girl who's got a stump for a leg. Everyone
dances around it, is uncomfortable with it, tries not to notice but
their body language says they're thinking about nothing else.
Dean sees it, and immediately asks about it. He's direct and to the point, asks how it happened, if he can touch it.
The
other people all are apologizing for their forward friend and his
rudeness, but the girl with tears in her eyes says it's alright. In
fact, it's better than alright - it's honest and, for once, comfortable
and exactly what she wishes everyone else will do.
THAT,
my friends, is the attractiveness of the bad boy. He's so REAL. He says
what others think, he acts while others wish. He takes his destiny in
his hands, instead of reacting to what fate throws at him - but, in the
best of cases, continuing to listen to the world and acting in a way
that fits his path.
The Look
Whoa,
deep stuff, but even though it's often unspoken (and the fact a bad boy
doesn't need to verbalize and justify himself is attractive in and of
itself), THIS is what women go crazy for.
So, how do YOU capture some of that magic?
Well of course, acting playful, confident, and unafraid helps to achieve the same thing.
But since we're talking about appearance, you KNOW you don't want to look straight out of a J. Crew catalog.
Stubble. A few days without shaving makes a powerful visual impression.
Leather.
I'd advise against red shiny vinyl pants (unless you KNOW you can pull
it off - it's like the thong for men), but a nice leather jacket is
always sexy.
The Way
Devil-may-care.
The attitude is so important here. Intense, yet entirely relaxed
(especially about the little things, which are so unimportant the most
they'll elicit is an eyelid-twitch). When you talk to a girl, it's
because something about her legitimately INTERESTS you. Skip small
talk. Converse on insights into her soul, and the soul of the world.
There
should also be a hint of danger in you. Not that you go starting fights
or beating people who displease you - rather the danger that comes from
not caring about niceties, and not caring if that seems rude to some
people, and not caring about the consequences of your perceived
rudeness.
Your hair is unkempt. Your eyes
glint. You NEVER lean in unless it's to make a point. When you talk to
someone, you stare into their eyes like you see through them, and NEVER
look away first, never look away at all unless you feel that segment of
conversation is over.
Plenty of directness.
There's no tricks to you, and subjects which others avoid you go
straight into with the burning of curiosity about the world.
Don't be Intimidated by her Intimidation
Now
this kind of approach will intimidate most women. That's fine - in
fact, when you see her getting scared, TALK directly TO THAT POINT.
OBSERVE a lot, and don't be scared to say things like "I see I'm making
your uncomfortable. You aren't used to strangers being this direct, are
you? And that puts you ill at ease, but at the same time, it interests
you, doesn't it?"
The question clause is a
pretty useful thing here. You should either make direct statements, or
attach a question clause like "., doesn't it?" so you give her an
opening to comment on your remarks. Statements as facts are best, but
if you're worried about offending her by telling her who she is (strong
people in general don't like that), then the question clause gives both
of you enough wriggle room to avoid confrontation.
In
fact, unlike the traditional bad boy, avoid confrontation. Say you say
something like "You're a very shy girl." And she responds "No, I'm not
at all." You can be playful and suggestive in your response, but if you
want to play the bad boy image to the hilt, you pause, search her face
intensely, then say something simple like "Ok." and move quickly to the
next subject - or leave a long pregnant pause, like you've got
something to say but you're not sure if she's ready to hear it.
Get Her Head Spinning
This
is brilliant because it leaves her guessing. Did he say ok because he
agrees with me? Or did he say ok because he doesn't want to argue about
it? What did he just see? Is it something I can see myself? Does he
think I can't HANDLE what he sees? This is a wonderful hook to get her
thinking more about you, your insights - and the hidden parts of
herself that you might be able to bring out.
And
the other great thing about this is, in truth, we ALL have EVERY
characteristic somewhere in our souls. If you hit on one that isn't
readily apparent or seems contradictory to her image of herself, you
can slowly play with it and discover exactly WHERE she has that trait.
Because she has it somewhere, and if you're with a strong brave chill
girl, she's going to want to see what you see in her.
A Little Dab'll Do Ya
Again,
be cautious with this bad boy profile - DON'T be a bastard with it
(even if it might work, you'll hate yourself eventually), and DON'T use
it too much on the more timid or vapid.
But
if you use it on the right women, suddenly you are strong AND
sensitive, a leader AND a listener, someone with insights AND searching
questions. You are the most intriguing man she's ever met. And she'll
want to know why.