Have you ever met someone that you felt was just really boring? Bland? Dull? It's interesting, because it's rarely about what a person HAS that adds up to their being boring; it's what they're MISSING. Personality...

Have you ever met someone that you felt was just really boring? Bland? Dull?
It's interesting, because it's rarely about what a person HAS that adds up to their being boring; it's what they're MISSING. A person lacks personality because they are like a song without any hook or catchy riff.

You gotta have personality if you're going to get a woman interested in you.

A woman has to feel that static crackle around you, that you're not like the rest of the chumps with "LOOKING FOR SEX" tattooed on their foreheads.

She wants to see some spark, some glimmer of magical presence that you carry.

A woman walks through life fairly bored with her relationship possibilities. I have a theory that most men don't really challenge them at all. For you to make an impression, you just have to offer her something she doesn't usually get from the salad bar.

Can you excite her? Can you demonstrate a man with qualities that separates him from that pack of wild hyenas?

To snap her out of her stupor, what would you be willing to do? What if I told you that you don't have to do much to wake her up? You don't have to juggle, or dance, or perform acrobatics.

You've just got to stand out from the rest of the guys out there. You've got to be willing to display some PERSONALITY.

What makes up "personality"?

Mystery - The self-control to keep certain secrets and avoid telling her everything about you.
Humor - Make her laugh
Confidence - The willingness to be independent and not needy of a woman
Originality - Thinking different than the crowd
Excitement and Positivity - The great attitude and energy of a person with a purpose
Hobbies and interests - OTHER than women. This is what it means to "get a life."
Conversational Ability - The ability to communicate with women on a level they can understand and get excited aboutThere are other, subtler traits that could be talked about in boring detail, but these are the important aspects of projecting a winning personality to women.

If I were to boil it down to just two of these, I'd say humor and conversational ability are the foundation, and the others just serve as polish to make you gleam in her eyes.

If you can make her laugh - a real laugh that says she finds you witty and amusing, without putting yourself down - you will get her to open the door of opportunity for you.

If you can talk to her about that and everything else in between, without making her feel like you're trying to get her into bed, that you appreciate her as unique and special, you'll get to step inside that door of opportunity.

PERSONALITY SABOTAGE

Would you like to know what you're doing that sabotages this along the way?

There's one thing you do that undermines all this effort to get her attracted with your witty conversation, and you have to get rid of it to succeed long term.

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ....
Are you ready for this?

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ....
I'm not sure I should tell you this, but you need to know. It's important ...

The single behavior that shoots down more potential relationships and is completely under your control is ....
COMING ON TO A WOMAN TOO STRONG.

Now the funny part about me telling you that is that you can hear me tell you this, and you'll even nod your head and say, "Yeah, dude, I know..."

BUT YOU WON'T STOP DOING IT!

Why?

Why can't you stop yourself?

I got in a discussion with a female friend of mine the other day. She came in and told me that she was going to Boston and hoped things would go well on this business trip. She said she thought there was an 85% chance that she wouldn't get all stressed out. I asked her, "Well, what accounts for that other 15%?" She said, "Oh, that's stuff I can't control."

I waited for a beat, then I said, "How you feel and react is 100% under your control. It's whether you CHOOSE to or not. How you react is ALWAYS under your power. No one else makes you do anything."

She wanted to argue with me over whether her reaction was 100% under her "responsibility" rather than control, but I refused to back down. She was just trying to find a reason to excuse herself for not doing things she knew she needed to do. Responsibility is not the same as actually understanding that you are not under some other mystical power or influence. YOU are the one who does everything. By choice.

We could go into a whole circular debate over the nature of free will here, but I won't. You need to take both responsibility AND control of your actions. When you fail to do what you know you must do, there's a REASON. And until you find out what that REASON is, you'll probably never change your behavior.

So back to my original point - why do men come on strong to women?
(Since this is the one part of your personality that will sabotage all your work unless you can control it.)

It's because we're in a hurry. We lack the self-discipline to slow it down.

Men want quick affection, sex, and security with a woman. And then we want the space and relaxed distance.
Women want space and relaxed distance. THEN they want affection, sex, and a build-up of trust and security.

Do you see how this ruins your work?

If you come on too strong, she backs off. If you come on slow and easy (which also demonstrates confidence and self-control) she'll go along with you.

Can you see what you're doing wrong and correct it, without having someone tell you to your face what you may be doing to put them off?

Can you let go of what other people think of you and act based on your internal compass instead of their judgments?

And then can you exercise the self control you need to in order to stop coming on too strong to her? She won't date you or sleep with you just because you push her hard enough. She'll do it because her attraction mechanism inside her is turned on by your personality, and then feeling that she has the space to reach forward and act on her desires with you. She cannot do this if you're all over her like white on rice.

Learn the reasons why you can't stop yourself from doing what you know you should do. Learn what these mechanisms are inside you that keep you from doing the things you know you must, and then change them.

Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related FIELD and an author of best selling titles such as
"Secrets of the Alpha Man"