QUESTION FROM A READER:
Dear Joseph,

Greetings and best wishes to you this day. Thank you for your advice. Please I need your assistance because I know I have a problem to get a woman of my choice.

I have money and I dress fine, but any woman that comes to me will hate me, I don't know if it is because I don't chat with them because I dont know how to chat with a woman.

Please help me with some advice because I have been trying make any woman that comes to me happy by giving them anything they requested from me but I still found out that they don't love me.

Furthermore, I have a woman who promises me that she will not cheat on me because I care for her alot but she will never ask me to have sex with her unless I request it, but if I didn`t request it, she might stay up to a month without having sex with me, please I need your advice if this is real love and she does`t cheat on me.

Dear Joseph, please advise me on what to do because I am shy even to my fellow men because I don't feel confortable meeting woman and men so I also stay alone.

Please, I need your advice.

Finally, I am in Abidjan Cote d`ivoire west Africa and I have been to several book shop to buy the book (THE ART OF APPROACHING) but I cannot see the book at book store.

Thanks
Amarachukwu
MY RESPONSE:

Hi Amarachukwu,

First off, don't look at these women as "hating" you. Just look at them as women who haven't gotten to know you yet. When faced with a choice of looking at something as a negative, always try to REFRAME it in your mind as a positive. That is an essential trick to keeping your self esteem high.

What it sounds like you're doing (and I know English isn't your native language, so forgive me if I misinterperet) is trying to buy your way into a woman's pants, and allowing yourself to be taken advantage of because you want to get a girlfriend.

This is actually VERY typical situation among men, so don't feel bad. You're not alone. Even I have fallen into this trap in the past. Just remember this one key point when it comes to women:

Only give them what they want, if you're getting what YOU want!

It took me a while to figure this one out, but it's a very important concept once you grasp it. If you want a certain girl to be your girlfriend, only invest in her what she's willing to give back.

For instance, if she wants a fur coat, but she isn't willing to kiss you yet -- DON'T BUY HER A FUR COAT! And tell her "Oh man, if you were my girlfriend, I'd buy you that coat right now." Let her know the "cost of doing business," so to speak.

See, girls get really used to getting something for nothing (especially if they're beautiful). And guys get in the habit of getting nothing for everything. You must BREAK that habit if you want to succeed with women. Believe it or not, women respect men who don't bow down to their every whim! If you show them you're not treating them like a queen, they'll treat you like a king.

I always like to follow these rules when it comes to dating:

• Never spend any money on a woman you're not sleeping with.
  
• Never spend more than $60 on a date.
  
• If after 3 dates, nothing is happening, it's time to move on (3 strikes, and she's OUT!)

These three simple rules will save you a TON of time and money when you're in the dating scene.

As for women promising not to cheat, don't get hung up on that. Most women will cheat on you, that's just how it is. But instead of getting them to "promise" not to cheat on you (because when you do that, you're displaying insecurity and lowering you're value by "begging"), you need to TELL the woman you're with what you're not willing to put up with.

Tell her flat out: If you ever cheat on me, you're gone.

Let her know you want a woman who will be faithful, and if she's not willing to do that, you'll dump her and find another woman.

This way of thinking can be VERY powerful.

You're letting her know you don't need her, and that she has to do what YOU want if she wants the benefits of being with you!

And if she doesn't, despite what you may believe -- that's a good thing! Let her go, because it will save you a TON of time, money, and heartache in the long run. Why would you want to be with a woman who's unfaithful to you? Just SET the boundaries, and stick to them.