Part of our needs as humans is to get validation along
the way to assure us and make us feel approved of. We sought this
validation and approval from our parents and peers when we were
children, and we never really let go of that need when we had to "grow
up."
Limit the amount of approval you need from
other people. You can't worry too much about what other people think
about you. It's easy to go through life seeking approval and never
really accomplish anything because you're trying to please everyone.
You can't, and it's a belief that you must leave behind.
(Willie
Loman in "Death of a Salesman" fails to achieve for this same reason.
He thinks it's better to be liked that to achieve worthwhile goals.)
What
this means for you in dating is that you need to be able to
communicate, through subtle and not-so-subtle methods, that you do not
need her approval. A woman will not feel attracted to a man if she
feels she has power over his sense of self-esteem.
How do you communicate this?
One
way is to find and pursue your own personal interests. This can be as
simple as a hobby or a sport interest, like swimming or weight training.
The
best way you can demonstrate your independence is to have goals outside
of a relationship. Having a personal direction or mission is immensely
attractive for a woman. It shows women that you have a life outside of
pursuing them. Hint at a depth they need to explore.
The more you seek approval and validation, the more it will elude you.