Most men do two. but not all three of the keys that lead to constantly fresh and fulfilling sex. Not because they can't do any of them, but because the three key aspects aren't linked firmly enough. Once you can successfully balance play, sex, and cuddling, you'll be able to show your lover something new every time.

The Familiar Trap

Congratulations. You've found an awesome girl, you've been intimate innumerable times, and all seems great in the world.

Except you've got this nagging. doubt. When you make love, you notice it's starting to follow a PATTERN. And it doesn't have quite the urgency and excitement it first did.

And maybe you'll find yourself getting bored, and maybe you'll find yourself wondering if SHE'S getting bored.

Whether she is or not, that's a bad way to get through a relationship. You're just opening yourself up to all sorts of negative thought loops.

You all know, I DON'T like negative thought loops. But you ALSO know, it's a lot harder to deal with one once it starts (and reverberates through a life) than to NEVER have one come up.

Luckily, in this case, it ain't all THAT hard to avoid the boredom in bed that begets bad questions. Or, worse, bad RESULTS.

The keys

It's simple: make sure you have all three of the KEY ingredients to good sex. Because if things are getting mechanical, chances are you're missing at least ONE of them.

And what are they? In no particular order: bonding, sex, and play.

Let's make sure you understand my meaning when I say that.

The three ways

We'll start with bonding: this is all the cuddle time, the spooning and cooing and other things you don't really brag about over beers. If you want to have good sex - and especially if you are in a committed relationship - you NEED that bonding, so you both can feel comfortable pushing your envelopes. Or saying when the envelopes have been reached.

You need trust. That's just the way it is.

Sex, you've probably got a pretty good idea what you're doing. Usually guys are fine at the actual motions and movements of sex - it's when they haven't prepared the mental game that it goes bad.

Just make sure to mix it up, don't do the exact same things in the same order, and you'll be fine. The ol' in-out is easy enough - it's the prep that makes or breaks the session.

In other words, don't simply go straight to sex - other than a few exciting times, when it works in the mood. Like when you've got five minutes in a club bathroom - when the event or location is enough to turn up the heat.

But it should be the exception and exciting in THAT specific way. Any other time, you need to PUSH-PULL, give a little to dial it up, but take it right back. What works in the seduction works just as well - maybe more - in the relationship. AVOID doing the same thing or anything that can be assumed. Change your patterns CONSTANTLY, and you know the rest.

And the third one, play, is the one most often forgotten. For that reason, it's probably the MOST important for you to keep in mind and consciously exercise.

One reason it's mostly forgotten is because it's not so OBVIOUSLY connected to sex. You've gotta understand, when I say play I don't mean break out the Parker Brothers - but I'm not necessarily talking about role playing sex either.

Play means having some FUN and maybe even silly bonding. You need this to keep things LIGHT and keep the atmosphere positive and warm.

Or think of it this way - when you're playing, or with someone you can play with, awkwardness is IMPOSSIBLE.

And when you're with that person, you're going to be getting a FUN vibe the whole time, just waiting for triggers.

So your play can be some time with pleasing fun teases, or acting as Dracula biting her neck (obviously getting sensual with that), or even your initial pick-up can be counted as play.

In general, the longer you've been involved, the more directly sexual your play should be - but again, don't be formulaic about it. Throw curve balls regularly, and then when she expects the curveball, give her the heat.

So like all the rest, KEEP HER GUESSING. The minute she knows what comes next, you've lost her.

Now when using these three styles, what do you think I want you to do?

Keep her What?

Yep, keep her guessing.

The order of them isn't important at all. MOST guys will start by being playful, moving on to sex, and then cuddling.

Sure, it's a classic. But it's not the ONLY way, and if you treat it as such it'll become BORING.

Maybe one time you'll chase her around the house as a mummy, before you spoon in front of a horror movie, and then make love during a sex scene.

Maybe you have sweet pillow talk as you wake up, start playing a stern teacher as she tells you naughty things, and your little innocent spanks transition into a firm yet tender sex session.

Maybe you fuck the shit out of her in the venue bathroom, stand behind her and encircle her waist with your arms, swaying and dancing to a concert, then take turns imitating band members on the car ride home.

It doesn't matter WHAT order you do it in or HOW LONG you spend on each step - as long as you're varying it each time.

Often, for whatever reason, you want be able to hit all three components - but that's not a problem. As long as all three are THERE in the relationship and are usually linked together, it doesn't matter if you can't cuddle during lunch or have sex while you're entertaining guests.

Keep the three linked together, and any ONE will suggest the other two. You'll be constantly creating new erotic connections in her head, which is not only enjoyable but also VERY stimulating and FAR from boring.

Keep her entertained, sexually satiated (but with healthy hunger), and close to you, and you'll NEVER have to worry about the sex getting STALE. Which also means, you can keep your relationship going indefinitely - there's no way she's going to want to leave such a satisfying and RARE SET-up unless you SERIOUSLY fuck up somewhere else.

At least it won't be the sex.