Question From A Reader:
Dear Joseph,

I am a student and I wanted to know how to meet girls in the most crucial areas with plenty girls. Here are the situations First :- The Nightclub where the music is so loud, where there are too many people with little or no space to move, and the girls are dancing with themselves,. The main idea is that it is very hard and almost pointless to start a conversation in these areas. How do I do it?

Second :- How do I meet girls who are walking along the street maybe going somewhere. Like am in school, how do I meet a girl who is walking down maybe to her dorm or somewhere else. The point is where am from people do this to women all the time. But here in America, its almost considered weird b'cos you pop out of nowhere and shes not expecting it.

Finally, what do you do when a girl tells you she has a boyfriend? should you leave her alon or continue your business on getting her. What if she is totally in love with her boyfriend, how do you win her over?

--Xion
My Response

Okay, I guess I'll try tackling each question in order...

First, Nightclubs ARE very difficult venues. Unless you're specially suited to the party-style nightlife, these venues will be a bit daunting. And even if you are predisposed to this type of pick up, you will still have to deal with lots of competition from other men.

That said, it's not impossible to meet women in nightclubs. But it will require you to be a little more outgoing and aggressive than other venues.

First off, when I'm in a club, I tend to like to hang out in open-air areas where I can talk to other people easier. Patios and right outside the club can be good for this. Most clubs will have some form of outdoor area where you can hang out -- especially places like New York and Los Angeles where you're not allowed to smoke inside.

The dance floor can also be quite effective. If you like to dance, go out there and try dancing with the women who are dancing by themselves. If they're not into it, move on. If they are, it's PLAY time! =)

Also, keep in mind the time at which you're going to the club. Usually, the later it gets, the easier it is to pick up a girl (this is because as it gets later, people are more pre-disposed to "hook up" due to alcohal, desperation, boredom, etc.).

Second, to approach women on the street takes a bit of finesse. In America, people do tend to be a bit more private than in other parts of the world. My best advice in this respect is to actually follow the girl for a bit and see where she's going. If she stops off at a coffee shop or a bus stop, or whatever, THAT is the time to approach her!

If it looks like she's going someplace you can't follow her into (like her home/dorm, for instance) then you'll have to take the chance and try approaching her cold. But make it a quick approach and include a time constraint ("I know you're on your way somewhere, this'll only take a second..."), get her number as quick as you can, then move on.

Finally, when it comes to the "boyfriend" thing, that's a matter of personal taste. Some guys don't want to mess with that, others don't care. The thing is, most women aren't THAT committed to their boyfriends, so it's not as big of an obstacle as you might think.

The important thing to do in this situation is to try and "read" the woman. Sometimes, a girl will tell you she has a boyfriend when she really doesn't because she wants to politely reject you (and sometimes she really does have a boyfriend and wants to stay faithful to him). If this is the case, you have to look at the signals she's giving you to see if she's actually into you or not.

If a woman does like you and IS in fact into you, she will usually with-hold the fact that she has a boyfriend. And if she does bring it up, she wants you to take the lead and "sweep her off her feet" so she won't have to feel guilty about cheating on him. So when that's the case, it's time to pump up the agressiveness on you're pick up.